Life is Flowers

Soooo, the appointment today was pretty uneventful, and while not my first time going to an OB appointment for a pregnancy, it never ceases to be an uncomfortable experience, and I’m not even the one on the table.  With that, we’ll just fast forward to an hour later.  As expected it is a bit too early to see anything on ultrasound, but we were seen earlier than the “standard” patient given the history of incompetent cervix.  In the past the transition from “everything looks great” to “Oh, Sh@#!” happens very quickly so it was crucial to get in early and get everything laid out to tackle this issue as well as give us time to find a new doctor if we don’t believe that our current doctors are going to do everything humanly possible to make this pregnancy work.  Good news is that there is a great plan in place to deal with the incompetent cervix issue, these are some of the best doctors around, and we’ll be delivering at one of the best (possibly “the” best) hospitals in Northern Virginia.  More good news is that bed-rest isn’t guaranteed, although still a possibility.  (We were told that 10-25% of cerclages are placed on bed-rest.)  While not doomed to bed-rest, limited activity will be necessary.

Next week is an appointment for a formal ultrasound, and hopefully they’ll be able to get a good look at the baby.  The week after that is an appointment with a specialist who deals with high risk pregnancies and will perform the cerclage which will be scheduled for around twelve or thirteen weeks.

In the meantime the food aversions, cravings, mild morning sickness, and a constant feeling of tiredness continue.  In fact tonight Edie went to bed at 8:15 pm which is completely unheard of.

On a positive, and completely unrelated note – after multiple failed attempts to transition Isabel to a bed from the crib, it looks like it might stick now.  She went to sleep in her bed tonight and didn’t get out.  Now, if she’ll just be willing to give up that pacifier.

I had a dizzying conversation with Mommy Inc. regarding the whole “I’m 6 weeks pregnant” thing. Of course; I being the thick headed goon that I am; I insisted that my interpretation was right and she had no idea what she was talking about. What’s sad is that this being our fourth pregnancy we should have this figured out by now.  I think we’re both still a little confused.  Okay, maybe it’s just me.

Soooo.  Today Mommy Inc. is six weeks pregnant but that is a complete and utter conspiracy by doctor’s everywhere because when you are 1 week or even 2 weeks pregnant you’re not actually pregnant. What?!? So you’re not really pregnant until you’re two weeks pregnant? Okay, remind me to explain to my daughter that when counting at school you can just skip numbers one and two.  Or that whereever my next job is my employer should pay me for the two weeks preceding my start date.

But it get’s worse. Let’s just accept that you’re six weeks pregnant. Let’s say you decide to look up on the internet or in a book what exactly is brewing inside of you. Here we go, page 86, week six. No, no, no. You may be six weeks pregnant but hey we need to look at week seven because your first week of pregnancy is actually days 1 through 7 (again, even though you are not actually pregnant).

So, I’m pretty sure that Mommy Inc. is four weeks pregnant unless you are talking to a doctor in which case she is six weeks pregnant and if you want to look up what is going on inside she should look up week seven not week six. But then again, maybe not.

So to avoid any further confusion we’re just going to say that Mommy Inc. is pregnant and install a pop-up turkey timer.

Men will forever be punished for pregnancy by forcing them to endure nine months of complete emotional instability, irrational behavior, unquenchable cravings, and complete psychosis.  Oh, and let’s not forget the constant reminder of every pain the woman feels and the constant reminder of how tired they are.  “Honey can you do all the chores, I’m making our baby and that is really hard work.”  Yeah, that looks real hard from where I’m standing.  Look at me, I’m sitting on the couch drinking beers watching sports, and look at how fast that new deck is going up.

To make matters worse, while the man tries to keep his distance and stay out of the woman’s cross-hairs, the woman just wants to keep the man closer, she wants to cuddle more and hear sweet nothings to know that she’s still loved (that’s just more  ‘emotional instability’).   In reality that closeness is just a clever disguise to continue to submit the man to the slew of irrational behaviors a pregnant women forces upon anyone within a twenty foot radius.

Only 239 days, nine hours, fourteen minutes, and three point five seconds to go.   Not that I’m counting.

Said Mommy Inc. - “What do you think I can take in the car to throw up in?”

The bigger question is, “after you do, what do you use to get that smell out of the car?”  Might have to get a new car, or maybe line the entire dash with little pine tree air freshners.  I doubt even that will be enough.

“For the next nine months you don’t even exist.  You’re just an incubator.”

On July 15, 2009 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince hit U.S. Theatres.  However, its launch was a bit lackluster as it was overshadowed by events occurring in a small rural town seventy-five miles west of the Nation’s Capital.  Early in the morning Michael and Edie were pleasantly surprised with the discovery that their daughter Isabel would soon have a brother or sister.  The couple will announce the details to family and friends shortly, and apologize to the movie studio for affecting their opening day numbers for what many thought was going to be a strong opening for the Harry Potter franchise, but quite frankly thinks the world will find their news much more fascinating than any movie, except maybe Star Trek, but even then probably not even Star Trek. The new bundle of joy is due March 24, 2010.