WARNING: The following post may not be suitable for those who don’t have children but might want to someday, those who have children and haven’t yet begun the painful potty-training process, to those of weak constitution, weak bladders, and those who scream at the sight of spiders. If you fit this category for the love of all that is good in this world. Please, please leave now. Really, I mean it. This is not a joke. I’m warning you….Okay, your funeral.
I’ve previously alerted the masses of how wonderful a parental unit I am, and how I keep a watchful eye on my child never trusting her to be left alone to the world and the dangers that lurk in the bathroom. I hereby present to you yet another stellar example of my fine, fine parental skills and clue you all in on how I manage to protect my child from the dangers lurking in all bathrooms. Yes, a danger that affects us all, a danger that would send many people screaming from the bathroom in sheer terror and disgust…..we call this danger the Potty. (duhm, duhm, duhm)
My previous encounter taught me well never to leave a toddler unattended in the bathroom. The concept of privacy is overrated when you must defend yourself from the dangers that lurk, and the pain of cleaning up pee from the floor is enough to humiliate anyone. So, with renewed vigor and a determination to provide the best parental care possible I decided yet again that it would be fine to leave the munchkin to do their “doodie on the poddie” while I had a brief (really brief, nanoseconds we’re talking here) conversation with the in-law units.
“Splish, splish, splash, splish!”
?Huh? That doesn’t sound right.
To my horror I find Isabel stomping her feet in a puddle of “pee water.”
The toddler in that brief nanosecond managed to stop up the toilet with an entire roll of toilet paper which she gleefully unraveled and dispensed of in the proper location. Only problem was that she followed that up with repeated flushing in an attempt to hide the evidence against her. The repeated flushing then resulted in a brilliant and highly accurate recreation of Niagra Falls. Lovely “pee pee” water cascaded from the toilet and flowed conveniently straight for the wall where it did two things. One, it trickled along the wall making a beeline for the hallway, you know the one with the carpet. Two, it searched out for whatever small and insignificant cracks and holes in could find so that it could then cascade through the floor into the basement below, right next to the laundry.
Now would be the time to hire a professional potty-trainer, or at the very least apparently I should never, not even for a nanosecond, remove my eyes from the child. Next time she might blow something up.
