Life is Flowers

Where do I even begin….

Last Thursday was our appointment with a high-risk specialist.  Last Thursday was the worst day of this pregnancy so far.  We have been preparing ourselves for years.  We knew that if we were to get pregnant again it wasn’t going to be easy for anyone.  We knew a cerclage was going to be necessary.  We knew that a premature birth was likely.  We have been educating ourselves for this scenario.  We felt confident and prepared.

Problem is, we never planned on twins.

Twins (multiples) it’s probably one of the worst things you can hear when you have an incompetent cervix.  Or so we thought at first.  We processed the ‘twin’ news and again rebuilt our confidence that while that will make things even tougher it was not an insurmountable problem.  We’ve lost too many children.  We don’t intend to lose anymore.  Then the high-risk specialist decided to throw another monkey wrench at us…

“Selective Reduction.”  AKA Selective Abortion.  AKA Killing your unborn child.

I was stunned to hear it, even though I knew that was something they would throw out there.  I was quite honestly speechless.  I didn’t even know how to process what he was saying.  On top of that, it was clearly the doctor’s preference.  A lot of emphasis was placed on killing a twin rather than what can be done to save them both.  Granted the odds of saving both…they’re not so hot.  In addition, the treatment for incompetent cervix while fairly standard has an outcome that is disputed by doctors.  No one seems to agree whether cerclage or bed rest are effective in prolonging pregnancy.

But…there is a chance.  There is hope.  These twins will have a better chance than Christopher or Alexander ever had.   The twins do not have a voice of their own, but as their parents we will do the same we would do for our three year old daughter.  We are their voice and we will fight for them.  They will be granted everything medically possible to give them whatever chance we can offer them.  We will not rely solely on the recommendations of our doctors we will draw on our previous experience and the experience of a community of fellow parents who have been through this as well.  We will be aggressive with our doctors and we will demand nothing less than the full and complete cooperation of a doctor who will stand behind us 100% with the goal of delivering our twins into the world alive, and healthy.

There will be sacrifices, we’re not in denial about that.  The death of our other children clearly put a strain on our relationship.  It took years to return to a state of normalcy.  Now we have a daughter to support and care for as well.  Now we have ridiculous commutes and a crappy economy that has ruined our ability to sell our home.  The deck is stacked against us.  But somehow we always manage to survive what is thrown at us.

In the end, I still aim to hold my healthy living twins in my arms and laugh in the face of incompetent cervixes everywhere.

So, it’s the day before the first ‘official’ ultrasound and I get a call from Mommy Inc.  I can tell she is in the car driving home.  Uh Oh.  That can only mean one of two things.  A – She’s sick, B – well… Daycare called to report that little Iz was vomiting and needed a pickup.  Guess, I was going to miss the appointment on Friday since I certainly can’t go in Mommy Inc.’s place.

Fast forward to Friday. 10:12 AM EDT.  Mommy Inc. calls me after her appointment kind of crying, sort of not. I’m not even sure what I would call it.  She’s odd, so I just chalk it up to her supreme oddness. She starts telling me that everything is okay and fills me in on the appointment.  ‘I saw the baby’s heartbeat and everything’s okay and baby ‘Bee’ is okay too.’ What?  What’s a baby bee?   Huh?  The baby beat?  You already told me you saw the heartbeat?  What? What is a ‘bee?’

Oh!  She was talking about Baby ‘B’ as in not Baby ‘A’

We’re having twins of the fraternal sort.

I’m not entirely sure why Isabel wants to be difficult about what she eats. The meatballs in her spaghetti are not going to hurt her. That macaroni and cheese is actually good and contrary to belief does not contain flesh eating bacteria or alien worms, and the yellow sauce is really just cheese.  Besides, apparently she has ingested her own pee in utero.

As your baby matures inside you, much of that urine will be excreted into the amniotic fluid, swallowed again by your baby, and then excreted again in a continuous cycle.  (What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Week 7)

I would think even brussel sprouts would be an improvement over that.

Our little 1/4 inch squishy is kicking my butt!  How is it possible that something so beautiful can make you feel so awful?  I have been laying on the couch literally all day while my wonderfully, amazing hubby has been taking care of everything.  I am so lucky.

Soooo, the appointment today was pretty uneventful, and while not my first time going to an OB appointment for a pregnancy, it never ceases to be an uncomfortable experience, and I’m not even the one on the table.  With that, we’ll just fast forward to an hour later.  As expected it is a bit too early to see anything on ultrasound, but we were seen earlier than the “standard” patient given the history of incompetent cervix.  In the past the transition from “everything looks great” to “Oh, Sh@#!” happens very quickly so it was crucial to get in early and get everything laid out to tackle this issue as well as give us time to find a new doctor if we don’t believe that our current doctors are going to do everything humanly possible to make this pregnancy work.  Good news is that there is a great plan in place to deal with the incompetent cervix issue, these are some of the best doctors around, and we’ll be delivering at one of the best (possibly “the” best) hospitals in Northern Virginia.  More good news is that bed-rest isn’t guaranteed, although still a possibility.  (We were told that 10-25% of cerclages are placed on bed-rest.)  While not doomed to bed-rest, limited activity will be necessary.

Next week is an appointment for a formal ultrasound, and hopefully they’ll be able to get a good look at the baby.  The week after that is an appointment with a specialist who deals with high risk pregnancies and will perform the cerclage which will be scheduled for around twelve or thirteen weeks.

In the meantime the food aversions, cravings, mild morning sickness, and a constant feeling of tiredness continue.  In fact tonight Edie went to bed at 8:15 pm which is completely unheard of.

On a positive, and completely unrelated note – after multiple failed attempts to transition Isabel to a bed from the crib, it looks like it might stick now.  She went to sleep in her bed tonight and didn’t get out.  Now, if she’ll just be willing to give up that pacifier.

I had a dizzying conversation with Mommy Inc. regarding the whole “I’m 6 weeks pregnant” thing. Of course; I being the thick headed goon that I am; I insisted that my interpretation was right and she had no idea what she was talking about. What’s sad is that this being our fourth pregnancy we should have this figured out by now.  I think we’re both still a little confused.  Okay, maybe it’s just me.

Soooo.  Today Mommy Inc. is six weeks pregnant but that is a complete and utter conspiracy by doctor’s everywhere because when you are 1 week or even 2 weeks pregnant you’re not actually pregnant. What?!? So you’re not really pregnant until you’re two weeks pregnant? Okay, remind me to explain to my daughter that when counting at school you can just skip numbers one and two.  Or that whereever my next job is my employer should pay me for the two weeks preceding my start date.

But it get’s worse. Let’s just accept that you’re six weeks pregnant. Let’s say you decide to look up on the internet or in a book what exactly is brewing inside of you. Here we go, page 86, week six. No, no, no. You may be six weeks pregnant but hey we need to look at week seven because your first week of pregnancy is actually days 1 through 7 (again, even though you are not actually pregnant).

So, I’m pretty sure that Mommy Inc. is four weeks pregnant unless you are talking to a doctor in which case she is six weeks pregnant and if you want to look up what is going on inside she should look up week seven not week six. But then again, maybe not.

So to avoid any further confusion we’re just going to say that Mommy Inc. is pregnant and install a pop-up turkey timer.

Men will forever be punished for pregnancy by forcing them to endure nine months of complete emotional instability, irrational behavior, unquenchable cravings, and complete psychosis.  Oh, and let’s not forget the constant reminder of every pain the woman feels and the constant reminder of how tired they are.  “Honey can you do all the chores, I’m making our baby and that is really hard work.”  Yeah, that looks real hard from where I’m standing.  Look at me, I’m sitting on the couch drinking beers watching sports, and look at how fast that new deck is going up.

To make matters worse, while the man tries to keep his distance and stay out of the woman’s cross-hairs, the woman just wants to keep the man closer, she wants to cuddle more and hear sweet nothings to know that she’s still loved (that’s just more  ‘emotional instability’).   In reality that closeness is just a clever disguise to continue to submit the man to the slew of irrational behaviors a pregnant women forces upon anyone within a twenty foot radius.

Only 239 days, nine hours, fourteen minutes, and three point five seconds to go.   Not that I’m counting.

Said Mommy Inc. - “What do you think I can take in the car to throw up in?”

The bigger question is, “after you do, what do you use to get that smell out of the car?”  Might have to get a new car, or maybe line the entire dash with little pine tree air freshners.  I doubt even that will be enough.

“For the next nine months you don’t even exist.  You’re just an incubator.”

On July 15, 2009 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince hit U.S. Theatres.  However, its launch was a bit lackluster as it was overshadowed by events occurring in a small rural town seventy-five miles west of the Nation’s Capital.  Early in the morning Michael and Edie were pleasantly surprised with the discovery that their daughter Isabel would soon have a brother or sister.  The couple will announce the details to family and friends shortly, and apologize to the movie studio for affecting their opening day numbers for what many thought was going to be a strong opening for the Harry Potter franchise, but quite frankly thinks the world will find their news much more fascinating than any movie, except maybe Star Trek, but even then probably not even Star Trek. The new bundle of joy is due March 24, 2010.